I just Don’t know

I want to scream….cry….laugh uncontrollable
I have so many feelings I don’t know what to do with…

leave me alone…go away….get out of my mind…..
My body is trembling ….like being in rehab…

The smell of Hospitals…it makes me sick to my stomach…
Can’t eat…there is something stuck in my Throat…
Don’t want to drink…If i grab my cup…they can see me trembling…
Would he see my fear???….I don’t know…I’m trying to laugh….trying to look like nothing’s wrong…..tears behind my eyes…Fighting not to show them…
Feel like I  can pass out any minute….The room is spinning…
Need to sit down….My stomach is twisting…. turning….Please make it stop…

I never told him how much he means to me….How he saved me…
I should have told him….
He is in surgery now….the only thing i can do now is wait….
I love you…we may not be related by blood…but you are my family!

You have been there always…and will be there so more many years to come…
You will be my child’s uncle teach him how to fish…and other things I don’t know in life…

Can’t imagine how you must feel like…..
My whole world is upside down….. been a long time ago since I was this scared…
Had these feelings….
I’m sorry you have to go through this… you are not alone….I’m here…we will face this ….beat this…It will all be ok…..It has to…

 

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