Hodgkin Lymfoon…stories untold part 2

I didn’t had to think about it long….I wanted to see my grandfather before he dies….
I want to express my gratitude and respect before he passes…
Maybe even learn a last wise lesson..
Because when he will be gone he’s gone…

So then the struggle began of getting his address it took me a week and some annoying chats with her…but finally I got his address….
So today was the day to go see him
The drive to his house was a long one and the closer I got the more nervous I became

There I stood at his door…My heartbeat pumping in my throat…
His girlfriend opened the door…I stepped in…
I know this house…I’ve been here before…I even had a sleepover…
Memories are floating back…

He was laying in his bed in front of the window…
Is that him? Is that my grandfather?? Those piercing blue eyes…
Yes it is him….He seems nothing like the man I used to know…
A strong overconfident arrogant cold insensitive man with lushes hair and a big mustache who was chubby because of his love for food…That is  what you get for being a chef

No… I saw a man who was almost skin and bones had lost his hair of chemo
His face filled with fear, pain, remorse…He looked so fragile and human even a little bit humble…
The only thing that was still the same…him joking around
I could’t be mad or disappointed anymore…I was just glad to see him…
Hold him and talk to him…

He  saved my life once…when I was younger and still in diapers…
He took me away from my mother…he gave her an ultimatum…
Go to rehab and get clean or never see your daughter again…
If that wouldn’t have happened my life would have been so different…
I would probably have died of neglect…

I never knew this…till about 3 years ago
When I spoke to my aunt about my relationship with her
(How she blames the past…Her father…for being who she is…
You can’t blame the past you can only blame yourself for what you become..)
We talked about this and he admits he made mistakes…
And that I don’t have to be thankful for what he has done..

I brought my photo album with some old pictures
His eyes lite up seeing some pictures of people who had passed away
His daughter, his brother, his parents and some girlfriends….
Yes he was a real ladies man…;) but very faithful don’t get me wrong…
Seeing his reaction on the pictures was priceless
You know what grandpa keep my album for the time being
So you can check the pictures from time to time…
He was hesitant and so was his girlfriend because how will I get it back??
I will get it back in Time you need this album more than I do right now…

Photo0001My Grandfather, his mother, his father and his brother

I showed him our family three which I was working on he enjoyed him so much
and the old pictures I had found….It felt good seeing him happy
I told him about the memories I still had from him…
They weren’t much but good…About how I loved his cooking
he was the best chef ever…and the stories he told how I never really believed him but now I know they where true…
We went searching for our heritage once how we found a castle that belonged to our family in the past and how there are some streets named after our family…Those where precious memories I had with him…unfortunately I lost the photo’s we made on that trip…
I remember that time when we went fishing for eels..
he prepared them him self …. he smoked them in his own made smoking barrel..
How they tasted so good! yes there is no doubt in my mind that my grandfather was the best chef there ever was..

The more we talked  and reminisce the more time I need with him..
There is still so much to know …to find out… to share with each other…
Yes he changed…he sees more than he did in the past I don’t have to say everything he knows and understands… there is no need for words sometimes
How cruel is this cancer….this Hodgkin Lymphoma…Give me more time with him…
The ride back home was strange I was on auto pilot…..cars flashing by…
Back to my reality…my life…Can’t we just click stop to postpone the inevitable
I’m not ready to let go….

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